Hi, I’m Pamela. Welcome to my little corner of the blogosphere!
My endeavor with this blog is to tell my story of my struggle with physical health, mental health and maintaining a healthy weight.
I hope through my shared information and stories I can inspire and inform others about living a healthy and satisfying lifestyle.
To give some perspective on my health journey, here is a little of my history.
All of my life, starting from my early teens, I have been a yo-yo fad dieter. From dumping small fortunes into expensive chemical filled prepackaged diet food plans; to disordered secret practices that I do not easily or often discuss.
One way or another I was determined to at least keep my weight from being completely out of control, even at the cost of my health.
Only a few times in my adulthood, for fleeting periods, had I gotten my figure to a place that I felt content. Mostly, I could manage keeping my weight to a reasonable level.
But on average 20-30 pounds of excess is what I typically carried on my frame.
Then I reached my 30s. Where I thought the most difficult of days in life were in my past; and I had reached that sweet spot in adulthood. Instead life got really hard. If anything could go wrong, it did.
These stressors ranged from seriously concerning phantom health issues, post-partum depression, living on the brink of financial ruin, and suffering the death of my Father. It felt like I was being punched in the face and gut, by the universe, every single day.
The harder I tried to overcome, the harder the blows got and it all wore me down.
Where I once considered myself a strong and resilient person, I found myself losing my way and losing my light. I had no more fight in me, but the barrage did not stop.
Having a history of binge eating, I began attempting to avoid, and sooth my pain, with food.
Late night gas station runs for loads of sugary refined carbs, and regular trips to drive thru or carryout, were the new normal- Sometimes ordering enough for 2 or 3 people, for myself.
I drank more soda than I drank water. And I ate ice cream and cake, like every other day was my birthday.
Essentially, trying to hug myself with the feeling of an overstuffed stomach, and a brain high on endorphins, just to get through each day.
Unfortunately, these fixes were always short lived. Before the sensation of being painfully full would subside, I was already plotting what I would eat next. To get my next fix.
I had no control over my cravings, I had no willpower, and I felt completely out of control with my eating habits.
From the moment I opened my eyes, until the moment I fell asleep- emotional pain, and food was on my mind. It consumed me.
At 80 pounds overweight- the heaviest I had ever been- I had finally hit my rock bottom. I simply could not stand feeling, how I had been feeling. Not for one more day, one more minute, or one more second.
This attempted coping was not working. It was making my situation worse. I was perpetually sick, severely depressed, incredibly ashamed and embarrassed of my physical state, and a shell of a person.
My body was inflamed, my skin was a wreck (including my scalp), my immune system was zapped. I did not want people to see me, I did not want to be around others.
I hid from the world, I hid from my family, I hid from myself. I hid physically and emotionally. I had completely detached in order to survive. And I simply could not bear this existence any longer.
I did the only thing I knew to do. Pray and research.
Asking for the answers to be revealed to me. I desperately wished I could simply unzip and take off the fat suit I had been suffocated by, and then I could feel better!
In my mind it all linked back to the excess weight. The weight was holding me back. That was the root of all my problems. But the weight was a symptom.
A very serious symptom, that was further crippling me physically, psychologically and emotionally.
Months of prayers and research led me back to Keto, time after time. The resistance in me was immense. I was determined to not fall for that fad.
Yet I was intrigued. I spent hours studying keto. I came across testimony after testimony about how keto was not only helping people accomplish weight loss, but they were thriving in many other ways.
I even went as far as attending an educational conference on the research and applications of the Ketogenic Lifestyle.
I came to the conclusion that it would be effective at helping me shed pounds and quickly. I committed to doing it to catapult my journey to weight loss.
I knew Keto would not be sustainable and that I should not do it long term. That is what mainstream was warning me. And mainstream had to be right.
Keto was the entire opposite of any dieting hacks and tricks I had learned or attempted in the past.
I was actually terrified that I would be falling for smoke and mirrors promises and it would end up causing me rapid weight gain. But this nagging feeling was telling me, you have to try this.
It was challenging and I have had my ups and downs. But between keto, intermittent fasting, monthly extended fasting, and ketone supplementing, I have managed to lose 49 pounds so far!
But I gained so much more than a lighter frame.
The real me began to emerge again. It is something that can be so hard to put into words. Along with every pound that melted away, so melted away the depression, the anxiety, and the misery.
I was a better mom, a better wife, a better me! Not just because of losing weight. Sure, it felt phenomenal for that oppressive fat suit to be witling away.
I was feeding my body and brain nutrient dense, whole foods, and had eliminated the chemical storm of crap. The vail had been lifted.
It was that shift in my mental health that became my biggest driver in staying committed to this new lifestyle. I absolutely could not go back to feeling so hollow and so lost.
As a matter of fact, I am often asked, if I feel sick or respond poorly to eating off plan.
I always comment that as long as I do not over do it, and have maybe one meal or dessert off plan, physically I feel fine. No adverse digestion issues in my gut.
However, I ALWAYS feel it mentally. It takes me a good 24 to 48 hours to kick that sluggish Eeyore kind of feeling. It is like my brain and emotions get hijacked by the sugars and carbs.
For that reason, I very rarely eat outside of my Ketogenic Lifestyle anymore.
Where Keto started out as my quick short-term fix, it has now become my full-blown lifestyle. I have practiced a ketogenic lifestyle for a little over one year; even now that I am pregnant.
I have never maintained a “diet” for any longer than a month or two. The longer I eat this way, the more affirming research I do into the science of it, and the more amazing I feel every day- I have zero incentive to ever want to go back to old ineffective methods or habits.
Why do I think Keto worked, where so many, and I mean SO MANY other attempts failed me? Simply put, the magic is in the fat. The fat kept me full, where the low-fat fads I tried, left me feeling impossibly and perpetually hungry.
There is no way a person can ever be successful long term, constantly feeling hungry.
The fat tastes good! I love cheese, and sour cream, and steak, and eggs, and bacon. I get to eat foods that taste great. I am not a damn rabbit, and I cannot sustain on rabbit food!
It is much easier to stick to a way of eating if you are actually enjoying the things that you are eating.
Bodies and brains thrive on fat!
I had been the typical American. Overfed and undernourished. My body and my brain were suffering for it greatly.
Eating a diet high in fat and low in carbs allows my body to run optimally and efficiently, in the way it was designed to run.
No more roller coaster of quick highs and devastating lows due to sugar and carbs. When you are feeling good, feeling satisfied, and are enjoying your diet, it becomes a way of life.
That is where the yo-yo ends.